After 6 years of marriage, I have decided I want to ask my husband for a divorce. This has not been an easy decision to make, of course. Looking back, I realize that our marriage has been rocky at times from the beginning. I in no way am trying to place ALL the blame on my husband as it takes two people to argue, but there are some big things that have happened that have eroded my feelings of trust and affection for my husband. I believe that my husband abuses alcohol, although he denies having a problem. He has had periods of time where he has gone without drinking, but it always starts back up again. I realized recently that by bailing him out over the years, I was enabling him to continue his drinking by not leaving sooner. As a result, he feels like I will always forgive him no matter what happens. I acknowledge that, but he is ultimately responsible for choosing to drink or not! He gets verbally abusive when he drinks. If we have a disagreement, he will leave the house and go out until 2 or 3 a.m. and come home drunk. The most recent incident involved him coming home angry because I had to have our car towed from where he was so he would not drive intoxicated. He promises me that he is trying to change, but I feel that he is telling me what I want to hear so that I won’t leave. I know deep down that he might be trying to “guilt” me into staying. I know that no one has a “pretty” divorce, as I have been through it before. I learned important lessons of what not to do during a divorce as a result of my experience. Does anyone have any advice on how to try to keep this as amicable as possible? Is there a way to break the news to him while minimizing the hurt I know he is going to feel, or is that unrealistic? Secondly, I am in a bit of a “bad” situation and would like some advice about the best course of action. We currently are living with my in-laws temporarily (it’s a long story), so obviously I will be the one who needs to find a new place to live. I made the mistake of being a stay at home wife, so I am not currently working, therefore am financially dependant on my husband. I need to return to school so that I can secure a good job. I do NOT want to be deceptive with him! He told me when we discussed divorce a few months ago that he would help me financially temporarily until I get back on my feet, which I really appreciate. I have NO desire to take him to the cleaners and feel that temporary support would give me a chance to make a new start. With that said, what would you say is reasonable to accept from him without causing him unneccesary financial stress while having my basic needs provided for? How long is reasonable? I want to be FAIR without being taken advantage of, that’s all! Should I hold off telling him until I get a job or is that deceptive also? I really need some constructive advice on how to handle this situation with tact and fairness.
Get a lawyer first.
Get court orders for everything because what is said during a period of him behaving will often change when faced with the real deal.
Lastly, tell him about leaving in a public place, less chance of him doing whatever he does to get you to stay.
[1] stop enabling him at once
[2] learn to spell “separate”
[3] have a process server hand him divorce papers
easy as 1-2-3.
ACTIONS, NOT MORE WORDS.
Do you still love him? that the question you need to ask yourself.
Did you try having him go to rehab for his problem. There should be a reason why he drinks a lot, maybe that the only way he knows how to deal with problems he can’t verbally talk about.
Do you have children?
its your decision to bail out so get a job waitressing, maybe he can help you with your rent for 6 mos. its your 2′nd time so you are no innocent party.
Just talk to him politely about everything. The way his attitude is can get your situation worse,he can be more arrogant and may not help u financially too ,if he feels his ego is hurt. talk to him and tell if he doesn’t want to change or give him one more chance and let him know if you will see all this again you will give him divorce for sure. and then u can take this step boldly.
take some good advice and some interference of your mature family member too.
you know where the door is.. GO
this way he can find someone better